Antithetical
by I fell asleep
Summary: I did not die, just to be reborn as a pink little menace whose job is to fangirl over some emo what's-his-name unable pull himself together. (OC-reincarnates-as-Sakura, gender dysphoria)
1. second chance

**Summary**: I did not die, just to be reborn as a pink little menace whose job is to fangirl over some emo what's-his-name unable pull himself together.

**Tag(s)**: OC, OC-reincarnates-as-Sakura, gender dysphoria

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**1\. second chance**

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There are a lot of people in this world who think about death.

They ponder, wonder, marvel, brood over, contemplate and consider. I may not know the accurate number of people who have death lingering in their minds and every constant, waking moment of their lives, but I do know that there are many. Many is a lot and you just know that.

It's like knowing that the cake has been eaten, but you don't know the exact amount of it that has been eaten. All you do know, is that if the cake can be divided into probably eight slices, then three or four slices have already fulfilled their purpose of being a baked, sweet, sugary abomination. You don't find the radius of the cake, get the circumference, use the formula for a circle and do some mumbo jumbo mathematical doohickey, just to discover the actual centimeters of the missing part of cake.

It's all speculation and guess work.

To me, numbers are accurate, as it is vague. As long as I know the general idea, I thought that I didn't need to know anything else. I mean, if you understand the basic concept of addition, you don't go and ask the universe, "hey, why is one plus one equals to two?" right?

Just like how I perceived numbers, it is how I perceived death. To the average person, who is completely content with their lives despite it being predictable and safe, they didn't think much about death. You see, I was that person. I knew about the definition of death and that was it.

"Death was something too far from my reach but I would reach it sooner or later as the years pass by, because it's the cycle of life. You come into this world in light, then you leave it in darkness", is what I thought I knew as.

I was just the average individual you would be able to find on any street, carrying on with my life, not thinking much, not doing much.

I thought that, if I lived the rest of my life like this, I'd be fine.

Somehow, somewhere, the almighty beings above thought I was wrong.

I never thought much about death, which is why I was so unprepared when it happened.

Along the way of life, I died and I didn't even know how or why.

. . .

I thought it was strange, that there was a light to what looked like a tunnel. It looked like I was in a tunnel, or to be more accurate, it felt like it. My eyes were closed and I couldn't open them no matter how hard I tried. They felt incredibly heavy and it made my heart skip a beat for a moment.

What if I didn't die and was blind instead?

I was scared, because I relied on my eyes the most amongst my other senses. It was part of the reason why I couldn't comprehend how someone who had not been blind since birth, could adjust to such a terrible condition. I didn't want to adjust being blind either, because I knew I would miss being able to see and it would be too much of a burden for me to handle.

But the next moment, made me confused. There was a lot of shouting, screaming and sounds of machines beeping meshing together to create a catastrophic symphony and my ears, which I never knew were so sensitive, started to hurt. There was also hands touching me, which scared me as badly as the prospect of being blind, because I was held between these arms.

Impossible, because I was not _that_ small.

Impossible, because I was a twenty year old guy, who would most definitely not fit in these arms.

What the fuck.

Those arms then handed me off to another pair of arms, but surprisingly, this pair did not incite fear or discomfort within me. I was suddenly calm and lulled into a sense of tranquility. It was weird, but I did not complain, because it was comfortable.

I couldn't see but from behind my heavy eyelids, I could make out some sort of shadow in front of me. The curves of the jaw and delicate neck, as far as I could tell, belonged to a woman. The rest were a blur and I didn't attempt to make out what the shapes were. It was just too much effort to be put into something so pointless.

This woman cooed at me and said some gibberish I could not hope to understand, though I did recognize it as Japanese. It was easy to do so, after watching a couple of anime out of boredom, you know.

Next thing I knew, I slept even though I myself protested against it.

. . .

The rest of my days were mashed up into a distorted time frame I couldn't get a grip of. My sense of time was completely out of whack, as well as my sense of direction. I couldn't tell if it was daytime or nighttime. I couldn't tell what was up, down, left or right.

It was as if someone stole my senses and ran off to god knows where. It was definitely frustrating, but this was the least of my worries. My worries, apparently, were a three part process.

The first, is realizing that I was no longer a grown man, but a teeny, tiny thing known as a baby. Hell, I wasn't even a toddler, so there were many who prevented me from moving around too much, or else I'd hurt myself accidentally. I didn't want to be babied, as ironic as it was, but I had to. No one ever said a baby's motor skills were the greatest thing on earth, you know. Also, it is still a very humiliating sight to see someone changing my diapers. It's even humiliating to refer to them as, "my diapers". Cue shudders and shivers.

Second, is realizing that I might have been reincarnated, or was part of some super-secret government project to give someone a second life, since I was in the body of a baby. Both sound equally ridiculous and obnoxious, as well as nerdy, because the first sounded like it came from an anime and the second sounded like a messy, inconsistent super hero origin story. Though I felt more inclined to believe the latter, because reincarnation sounded too much of a miracle to be real.

I mean, come on, reincarnation?

Though that doesn't change the fact that I may have experience my own birth. Gross.

But you know, I was adapting really well and I thought that having a second chance at life wasn't too bad. The downside of it was that I would have to experience puberty and graduating all over again. Which, I can say, is very awkward and pathetic phase of life, but a necessary evil to evolve to adulthood.

Then, the third worry came, at a much later time.

It was an ordinary day, or a calm before the storm, as how stories would like to describe it. The time frame was still hella wonky to me, but I did know I was three years old after being made by people, who were most likely my relatives, to hold out three fingers to say my age. Embarrassing as it was, it was the only way I knew about my age.

"Oh, sweetie, mummy's here." the blonde woman, who was my mother, cooed at me once again. "Oh, lookie how itty bitty you are, you cutie!"

I mentally sighed.

It was a rather sad affair that I prefer her talking to me in what I dubbed as the 'annoying baby talk', because it was easier to understand. I was still trying to understand the Japanese language and it was vastly different compared to English. The grammar system was fucking stupid and don't even get me started on the writing system.

Who the fuck needs three writing systems? Why was Japanese so complicated? Why, Japanese people, why?

This is why I chose Italian as one of my language electives, instead of Asian languages like Japanese, Korean and Chinese. It was obviously the better choice, though I somewhat regret now because I am now a Japanese person, therefore I need to speak my supposed mother tongue.

Though I do often question myself, do Japanese people have blond hair? Or was my mother's hair dyed, like the rest of the family? It was the most logical explanation, though I didn't know that it was acceptable to have shades like burgundy or pale red for hair colors. I remember my parents giving me a very hard time when I dyed the tips of my hair blue for my senior year prom, to commemorate the seniors' inside joke. I shudder at the thought if my previous parents were here right now.

"Oh, Sakura-chan, you're such a cute baby." my mother (?) smiled. All I understood from her words was 'cherry blossoms', 'cute' and 'baby'. I didn't know what a type of plant had to do with me, though. "I wonder why you never answer me when I call you by your name…" she murmured and I could sense her confusion.

It was still very hard for me to understand Japanese, so I tried my best to string them into a plausible translation. 'Namae' was obviously 'name' and the rest were still gibberish to me. I feel as if our conversation is so one-sided, but what can you do, when you don't really know the language?

"I know!" she exclaimed and I was the one confused this time, because I didn't know why she suddenly became excited.

I hope it was nothing too weird, like putting me in yellow and pink frilly dresses when family come over to visit. Do mothers dress their sons as girls in Japan? Was it some unknown, most likely obscure tradition that only certain families followed and my new family was one of them?

She suddenly pointed at me with her index finger and she said the words, "Haruno Sakura".

I blinked in puzzlement, before it hit me. Now, why on earth would she tell me a fictional character's name?

"You." She pointed at me again and her expression was much more firm. I guess she was trying to assert something? "Ha-ru-no Sa-ku-ra."

How many people in the world, or more specifically, in Japan, were named "Haruno Sakura"?

…

Hahaha.

... What.

"Ha-ru-no Sa-ku-ra." she kept repeating the syllables slowly and her finger was steadily pointing at me. At this point, it was hard to deny it, because she was talking about me, telling me what my name was.

Hell-to-the-fucking-no. I take back what I said about adapting.

This situation was getting more and more ridiculous and in all my three year old glory and sensitive baby feelings, I screamed and cried.

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**A/N**: So, since I've seen many "girl-reincarnated-as-Sakura" fics in the Naruto archive, I thought I should give a try as well and make a twist that instead of a girl reincarnated as Sakura, it would be a young adult man. Thoughts and feedback would be appreciated. ^^


	2. not the heroine you wanted

**Summary**: I did not die, just to be reborn as a pink little menace whose job is to fangirl over some emo what's-his-name unable pull himself together.

**Tag(s)**: OC, OC-reincarnates-as-Sakura, gender dysphoria

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**2\. not the heroine you wanted**

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Here's the thing you need to know before we continue – if you asked whoever who knew me once upon a time in another world I called "home" on what they thought about me, they would say different things, but generally the same concept.

Calm, laid back, the go with the flow type or the chill in the hot summer full of teenagers in heat and pumped with adrenaline.

I wasn't exactly the troublemaker or the bully you find in a Hollywood-influenced high school you'd see play on television, nor was I the stereotypical nerd that got pushed around by jocks and whoever who thought they were above someone who decided to pursue the brainier aspects in life. I didn't really have different moods that my friends experienced, because how I lived my life was with what I liked to call the "in and out" tactic.

I exist in that comfort zone created by who I was acquainted with and I didn't exist when I decided not to involve myself in drama caused by hormones and teenage angst.

That's how I rolled, because I didn't like trouble and trouble didn't like me. Thankfully, I wasn't like those typical protagonists of fiction that had the trouble magnet problem and had no choice but to face them head on, or else they would die. That's how stories went, but not how real life went.

Reality is a little funny in that aspect – you either keep your head down for the rest of your life, or you raise it a tiny bit and suddenly the whole world is against your existence. Maybe the latter is bit of a dramatic, over exaggeration, but it was true. If the phrase "you are what you eat" can apply to a human being, then the same goes for this, replaced with how you lived your life and your life. Again; different things, but same concept.

You live your life how you wanted. Whether you choose to bring attention to yourself or be the shadow that no one notices or bothers to notice, it's a choice. Unlike those protagonists I always criticized and made fun of, living in reality is not like living in fiction. There is no god that dictates your every move, because you are the player of your own Monopoly.

If you want to buy that house? Go ahead. Want to move eight steps ahead? It's your call, man. If you have to go to jail? That sucks, but hey, you most likely brought it upon yourself, so shush, no complaints.

In the end, there is no other player that dictates you and reduces you into just a trinket on board to represent them.

Or so I liked to believe.

I don't think I'll be able to ever understand how or why this happened. It is completely impossible for me, an average twenty year old guy who spent the most of his life trying to live a satisfying life, to be now stuck in the body of a young girl. Let me continue – a young girl, who, from a silly, naïve brat chasing after her crush, would grow into the strongest female ninja of her generation (or at least, that's what the comic book said, right?), apprenticed under the strongest female ninja from, uhh, I don't know, two generations before?

Yeah, way to pressure a guy. Fucking assholes.

There is one thing that keeps me afloat from this entire mess.

First, I have knowledge, no matter how second handed or slightly inaccurate, about this fictional world, so it does give me a bit of an advantage no matter how crappy it is. Second, since I know what world I am now in, I can at least prepare for the worst. Hell, had I not known about Naruto from the bored nights of lurking on the Internet, I would go insane from thinking that I had been thrown into an alternate universe where child soldiers are of the norm. Also, this would have been completely foreign territory to me, so it could've gone very bad if I did not have even the tiniest bit of information, like fucking-up-bad.

As there are pros, there are cons to this.

First, I am a main character and as the general rule for all or any protagonist, they have to make sacrifices and be a general sunshine – in the literal and ironic sense – to get on with their life, which is the story. I cannot say I would make a terrible main character, but I would say this: I would fuck things up real bad.

From what I remember, Haruno Sakura is a passive aggressive fangirl on par with a prepubescent One Direction fangirl trying to claw her way to the front during a concert. She fangirls over the emo duck ass every waking moment of her life, thus trying to get his attention and broke a friendship with Ino – the blonde one with the super long bangs, right? –, because they were rivals in love, or some crap like that. She hits the main character, Naruto often, for god knows what reason and has an inner voice, which, for the sake of my sanity, I hope I won't have.

Other than that, her teammates are Naruto and the future antagonist, emo duck ass. Her teacher – or was it instructor? – is some guy with funky gray hair who had a collection of erotica that he liked to read within the vicinity of young, impressionable children. While I can't say I am impressed with this ridiculous set up, there are much worse things to come. Like, for example, Sakura is supposed the best medic, just second to the blond with the unlikeliest rack.

Though I could care less, I've seen many people either love or hate this character. Yet, like it or not, she is one of the most important characters in Naruto, due to the fact that she is a main character and main characters are hella significant even if most the the fanbase hates them.

I had a good amount of knowledge on Sakura, because I had way too much time on my hands when I was living in another life. It does give me an upper hand if I want to adapt to this world, but there is something that the universe have gravely miscalculated when it decided I should be "reincarnated" as her.

I did not want to be Haruno Sakura.

. . .

Since that day I found out I was Sakura, I took initiative in how I wanted to live my life.

At first, I felt guilty because this wasn't exactly my life, _wasn't mine at all to begin with_, as I wasn't the comic book's Haruno Sakura that fans loved and hated. But then, if the universe placed me into this girl's body, that meant I had either, a) replaced her, or b) became her, meaning that I would be Sakura, though with a different personality. I got over the strange guilt quickly, because I am living again, assuming the identity of a main character but it's not like I killed her, you know? I was here since the beginning (ew, I experienced my own birth), which meant that I am now a girl named Haruno Sakura, no matter how disgruntled I am to admit it.

One of the initiatives I took since that day was that I swore off dresses and begged my mother – it was easier to call her that, instead of constantly denying our relation – to take me clothes shopping with her. If you thought that I would be easily persuaded to change my mindset to refer to myself as a female now that I am actually a female, you are terribly mistaken and completely off the mark.

I had been living twenty years of my life as male, had been referring to myself as male and had my mindset fixed to that of a male's. To tell me to change this part of me, was like stealing my identity away. I was a guy through and through and you could not just waltz in and say, "dude, you need to wear a dress now because your new name and body".

I sure as hell won't be a girl, inside and out even though I was now equipped with the full equipment. The gender difference was going to be confusing, but I could live with it, because it is what makes me different. It is the line that separates me from the original Sakura and you can't just cut it off. I am firm with my decision.

Sadly, there are things that I won't be able to deny and avoid, like underwear and the monthly cycle, but on the positive side, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

I made my mother buy me clothing that had zero cuteness and femininity in them. Sometimes, I would even solicit her to go to the boy's section, so I could pick out clothes when I could not find something that was more unisexual in the girl's section. The clothes were all dark colors, did not have any floral patterns or anything that screamed, "look, I am a girl!". My mother often gave me a questioning look, wondering how the hell did I become a tomboy overnight, but it's not like I could tell her that her daughter actually had the mind of a grown man. Geez. The only plausible reason I could give, was that boy's clothes were much more comfortable. Not exactly a lie, but not the full truth either.

As for my hair… well, I can't do anything about the color, because apparently, it was natural.

I have nothing against colors that were decided by the society as "feminine", but having natural cotton candy pink hair is a little hard to get used to. You have to understand that I used to have black hair and when I dyed the tips and only the tips of my hair in blue dye that could be easily washed off, my previous parents made a gigantic fuss out of it. It's a habit of mine to make my image as unassuming as possible to the public, so no one looks at me twice. It's going to be very hard to stay unnoticed with pink hair of all things, but then again, I now lived in a comic book/anime that had weirder hair colors. Hopefully they won't notice me when purple hair was the norm.

Though I can say that the hairstyle I have is acceptable for now. It isn't long, but it isn't short either. I can't ask for a boy cut even if I wanted to because my mother was already having fits of me constantly pestering her to buy non-girly clothing. I can't say that it'll go well if I ask, so this hairstyle will do.

The last thing is about the ninja career in this world. I don't like pain and death like any normal, sane human being. But I rather choose the bloody path than be cannon fodder. I was also uncertain whether another character would be able to replace the absence of Haruno Sakura if I choose to be civilian and have an ordinary job. Although how the world starts and end doesn't concern me much as the almighty beings who placed me here would have liked me to, I do carry the burden of knowledge.

Knowledge of being the main character and knowledge of being one of the people who are indispensable. Harsh, but it they were undisputable facts of the Naruto world.

As selfish as I want to be, I can't let Haruno Sakura not be a ninja. For the future to go smoothly, she has to be the one who is placed with Naruto and duck ass. For the sake of this world not crashing itself, she has to be the one who is part of the generation of rookies. For the sake of my moral conscious, she needs to be their teammate no matter how useless she was before the timeskip.

I would be constantly filled with guilt if I don't do it, so I had to do it.

A part of me says no, because I honestly do not want to die, especially in a gruesome way if you factor in the ninjas. A part of me says yes, because _goddamn it all_.

Have you seen how useless she was when she was first placed with their team? It's not like I'm calling her worthless because she's a girl aspiring to be a ninja, but because she's, or was, aspiring to be her broody teammate's wife when they were both twelve-ish, for god's sake. I am a laid back, go with the flow kind of guy, but that did not mean I do things half-assed. If you wanted to be something, another person couldn't hold you back by making you obsess over them. This was one of them, because I refuse to believe that she signed her own death warrant – even if it never happens, but being a ninja definitely raises your chances to die, like how dropping into an erupting volcano is a surefire way to die, no pun intended – just to get close to her crush.

I was not going to be that little girl who dreams of picture perfect fairy tale marriages and a cool, mysterious husband. If I was going to be a ninja, I will do my best to be the best. My physical gender and status was not going to hinder me.

I also will not marry duck ass. I confess that I skipped the war arc straight to the last few chapters and I was disappointed with the ending. I honestly thought that when Sakura fought against the puppet master after the timeskip, it was amazing because she finally, in a sense, grew up. She was strong and reliable, unlike the vain girl you knew in part one. After that, Sakura's development kept going downhill and she just had to end up with duck ass. Ugh.

There is also the major timeskip in the last chapter of Naruto. The future of the world was peaceful, yes, but what happened to the ninjas? If everyone was at peace with each other, there would be no need for ninjas. The ninja system should have been abolished when the villages that were at each others' throats decided to have a tea party together. I mean, if you think about it, the only enemies of ninjas, were each other and the demons. If they no longer want to kill each other, it only makes sense that a job that involves killing each other be gone forever.

It's confusing and also stupid. The conclusion sort of fucked up the entire point of the comic book having ninjas in the first place. If there was no war and only peace, they would've been farmers since the clan wars era. To me, personally the last arc sucked.

But, still, both options scare me. I didn't know what I wanted and I didn't know what needed to be done.

. . .

This world has shit career choices, I knew that. But I made up my mind and I was not going to back down. If I was already the main character, I was going to walk in their shoes. But I'd cheat, because I wouldn't attempt to be a carbon copy of them. I would still be me, despite the gender and body.

The career wasn't a choice I could make freely, I knew, but that didn't mean I couldn't be someone different if was obligated to go down this road.

I tugged my mother's pants. "Kaa-san," I say in my baby-ish five year old voice. She stares at me, waiting for me to speak. Her eyebrows are furrowed and I know that what I say next will definitely kill her in the inside. I did find out that she retired from the front lines for a solid reason. "I want to be a ninja."

So, Naruto world, you have a heroine, but not the one you wanted.

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**A/N**: Thanks for reading! Please do review to tell me what you thought or give me a constructive review. They're always welcomed and appreciated. ^^

Thanks to **Runa22694 (guest)**, **Qoheleth** and **LeechPrincess** for reviewing the previous chapter! Though, to **Qoheleth,** if you did not see my PM, can you elaborate on what your review meant?

**Edit**: Apparently, **Qoheleth** has informed me that the previous summary was rated above K (it had swear words) and the site's guidelines, under the general rules' section, number 1 says, "Entry title and summary must be rated K for all audience. No exceptions.", so the summary has been fixed. Thanks!


	3. beginning with small steps

**Summary**: I did not die, just to be reborn as a pink little menace whose job is to fangirl over some emo what's-his-name unable pull himself together.

**Tag(s)**: OC, OC-reincarnates-as-Sakura, gender dysphoria

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**3\. beginning with small steps**

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Haruno Mebuki, as I have experienced in the past five years I have been living as Sakura, was a no-nonsense, stern woman who meant well. When I learned I was Sakura, I was surprised that both of her parents were actually ninja under Konoha, because I was under the impression that they were cannon fodder civilians. I mean, if you think about it, a ninja is supposed to be serious and disciplined about their profession because it was a dangerous path to follow, right? So, logically speaking, if two parents were ninjas, then original Sakura should've acted more professionally after deciding to become a ninja, whether around peers or the teachers because her parents know firsthand what it's like being ninjas. I guess it could be chalked up to the fact that the comic book artist and writer didn't plan beforehand, but it still bothered me, like an itch on a patch of skin you couldn't reach.

I was a firm believer that parents should teach their children well. My previous parents were a little backwater and hardcore oldies who didn't own 'alien phones' of the future, but hey, I think they did a good job raising me from drooling brat to reliable adult.

My mother taught me how to do my own laundry, how to cook for myself – simple dishes only, because anything beyond that would turn into charcoal –, fix any rips in my clothes, handling my money, paying bills, paying tax and manners. My father, on the other hand, taught me how to fix a lightbulb, basic plumbing, ways to fight back for self-defense and respecting others.

Sure, I complained about being grounded and sighed during lectures like any normal, irritated teenager, but I have to admit that they were good at parenting.

Now as Sakura and knowing what the original Sakura was like as a child, or more specifically, when she first chose a profession that pretty much meant danger and death… Well. It made me a little angry that her parents didn't teach her how to conduct herself properly and how rude she was to her teammates.

I don't have knowledge of the entire Naruto universe at the back of my hand as if I owned a Naruto Wikipedia in my brain, but I did watch Naruto when I was growing up, specifically from the graduation until the exams-turned-invasion part. I was a bored elementary school kid, watching television when I had nothing better to do outside and Naruto just happened to be airing.

I remember seeing how idiotic Naruto was, how unappreciative the emo what's-his-name was and how moody Sakura was. If my memory serves me right, I remember feeling annoyed that, in the words of my twelve year old self, _how the cartoon was so stupid_, because even my class team-building exercises weren't that bad. Naruto didn't think through things and didn't consult with his team, the emo duck didn't even bother to consider the opinions and actions of his team while Sakura changed moods faster than you could breathe depending on who she was speaking to.

Of course, at the age of twelve, I wasn't exactly the most mature person. I was a brat through and through, but I learned a couple of things at school too, you know. My class had a few team-building exercises, otherwise known as the dreaded group projects and members were picked randomly to form a group. There was always that one kid I didn't like, but that didn't mean I went out my way to antagonize them or ignored them when they tried to contribute. It was through sheer willpower that I was able to tolerate them and not strangle them.

"We either work together to swim to land or everyone drowns together", is what my class teacher said and it was true. It was the one phrase that stuck with me throughout my life.

So, in conclusion, Sakura wasn't taught well, their teamwork sucked and frankly speaking, it annoyed me very much because it clashed with my own upbringing and beliefs.

Thankfully, I was self-reliant and my previous mother drilled into me to always do my best.

"Kaa-san?" I called out to her as I came to the living room from the stairs. Mebuki was chopping fruits in the kitchen.

Today, I was wearing a red t-shirt with a pair of black shorts and a pair of slippers. My hair was exactly a copy of original younger Sakura's haircut, but I wore a plain brown hairband to keep the stray bangs out of my eyes. I could've clipped them, but I'm too stubborn to do it. Screw having a complex over a large forehead, because I don't care if the whole world sees it. Males were less self-conscious about these sort of things.

"Yes, Saku-chan?" she asked over the noise of her kitchen knife slamming against the chopping board.

The nickname was also another initiative I took. I told her and my father to call me 'Saku', reasoning that 'Sakura' had an extra syllable that was too bothersome to say. It was yet another half-truth, half-lie because the last part of my name reminded me that I was actually a girl and I wanted the original Sakura and me to be distinct from each other. Sadly, I couldn't convince her enough to get rid of the girly honorific, but hey, I tried.

"I'm gonna go out and play!" I said and you have no idea how glad I am that my Japanese is coming along smoothly. I guess it was true that children learned faster than adults because of their brains were still developing. My worst nightmare since becoming Sakura was being an illiterate ninja. "Be back later!"

"Okay!" she shouted back at me as the noise gradually increased. I never understood why she liked to chop her food so loudly. Maybe it was a ninja quirk and she was trying to channel her violence, who knows. "Come back by evening!"

"Yeah, 'kay, kaa-san!"

Again, I lied, because I wasn't going to go out and play.

. . .

I walked to the playground and was glad that the adults and children alike ignored my presence. It was strange that they would let a five year old walk around unsupervised, but I guess it was because they had ninjas everywhere, so no one was worried about possible kidnapping. The Uchiha Clan was still alive, so that means the police force they had were still up and running. I've seen more Uchihas than I should in my lifetime while walking to the playground. One of them even offered to help me to get to where I am because I was actually lost before finally reaching the playground.

It was actually very easy to get lost in Konoha. There were roads and paths that winded and led to god knows where and some areas were separated like mismatched puzzle parts. It was most likely due to the fact that there was a 'safe' area, which is where most of the people are and an 'adult' area, where the bars and love hotels were. I wasn't stunned that they had such entertainments, because this was a military village and people who are part of the military… well, my oldest brother had joined the military and he would sometimes tell me what they're like. Needless to say, I accepted it calmly, because these sort of establishments were something I had seen many times living in the city and I knew they were essential for the military as it was part of their downtime. End of the story. I wasn't going to go further into the topic.

I also found out that the normal inhabitants will have the routes fully memorized by the time they reach adulthood. It seemed strange, but I quickly understood why. There were no things such as maps (unless they were the map of all the lands) or a notice board that had the entire layout of Konoha on it. It was probably one of the security measures, because Konoha was a military village and any sort of organization that dealt with killing always had enemies. In fact, there were probably spies here and there, in and out in Konoha right now. Maps and notice boards passed information that would allow them to get around enemy territory easily, which was counterproductive. It was interesting to see how different it was compared to the world I used to live in, where information was passed around so easily and none of us did anything like world domination while in this world, people killed for the tiniest of rumors.

I scanned the area, searching for a secluded spot. I found one soon enough and made a beeline for it. It was isolated from the noise and other people, as it was blocked by many tall trees. It was also a good thing that no one liked being alone in such a place, so it was perfect for me.

If I wanted to be a ninja, it didn't hurt to start early. I tried to ask my mother to teach me a little, but apparently, her fighting style, which was her taijutsu, didn't suit me. Her taijutsu consisted of long, strong kicks and a shit ton of proper balance, which were factors that would endanger me. I was still a growing child, which meant that my bones would be too brittle and weak to consider learning this style because the kicks had to be powerful enough to smash boulders. She also told me that my balance would change as I grow older, because my body would change from androgynous to that of a real girl's, which meant that my hips would widen, so I would have to go through the trouble of relearning it if I learned before the time was right.

I could tell that she was happy to show it to me when I asked and that she was disappointed that she couldn't teach it to me yet, because my age was also a problem. I had to wait until I enrolled in the Academy to learn taijutsu.

But there were still other aspects to consider, like ninjutsu, genjutsu and chakra. Ninjutsu was something I knew would wait until I started my education, so that was out. I had an idea of how to form a genjutsu, but I needed chakra to do it.

From what my mother has explained to me, chakra is physical energy and spiritual energy found in the body molded together. She said that she couldn't teach me any ninjutsu because she was more of a taijutsu-ninja, but she promised to teach me basic chakra control exercises after I told her I was interested in genjutsu. Genjutsu was the one ninja art that appealed to me the most because it seemed so versatile, but first, I must master those chakra exercises to be able to form one. I feel lucky that I could control chakra easily, just like the original Sakura who didn't have a hard time doing the tree-climbing exercise.

That didn't mean I couldn't get creative with the basics of the basics. The first chakra control exercise to do, is to balance a leaf on your forehead. Since I've already mastered that, I decided to up the difficulty of the exercise with whatever I could think of.

The first was balancing the leaf while spinning it at the same time. If chakra could make a lead float above your forehead, I'm sure you could manipulate it to make the leaf move to your will as well. Once I was done with that, I decided to stick my hands out and balance one leaf on one hand while spinning them.

After managing to do that, I changed from spinning all of them, to only one of them. From my perspective, spinning them all at the same time was easier than spinning one while keeping the other two stationary. Basically, you need to control what to move and what to not move, which I think is the hardest to accomplish, because the actions are clashing against each other. It's like trying to draw a circle with your hand and making a square with your foot. Humans aren't good at multi-tasking, so it's a little stupid for me to do this when I can move on to the tree-climbing exercise, but I was already halfway doing it, so I wasn't going to quit.

Like I said, I was a little stubborn, even if it was about the most useless things.

"Hey, kid, what are you doing?" I hear a voice from my right.

Oh yeah, I didn't mention that I was doing this while lying down on the ground. I didn't mind, because the ground was actually clear of insects and was pretty clean. Besides, it was going to be tiring to stand up all day to do this exercise. Lazy, but I promise I would get more physical later when the time for me to do the tree-climbing and water-walking exercises came.

My nose itched a bit and I held back the urge to sneeze, because it would be a very violent sneeze, which might scare off the voice. My arms had been laying by my side for a very long time and since I was using my hands to do the exercise, I couldn't do anything else to prevent the sneeze other than pretending the itch didn't exist. Actually, I think I lost track of time when I was too engrossed in trying to challenge myself. I was the type of person who got sidetracked very easily.

"Balancing leaves." I deadpanned, thinking that it was obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes. The voice belonged to a man judging by the low tone but I couldn't see how he looked like because I had to stay still to continue the exercise.

"Yeah, I can see that." He told me with amusement. I held back an urge to snort. No shit, Sherlock. "But the Leaf Concentration exercise is placing a leaf over your forehead and directing all of your chakra onto the leaf. You've been balancing three leaves, spinning all of them and then spinning one. Why?"

"Challenging myself." I replied truthfully. He did imply he had been watching me, most likely since the beginning, so might as well come clean. It wasn't going to change anything if I lied either, because why would I even lie about something as pointless as this? "Wanna be a ninja, but I can't learn taijutsu or ninjutsu yet, so I thought I should start with chakra control."

"You a civilian?" he pressed onwards. I didn't know who he was, but he sure was being nosy. I tried not to let my exasperation show, because he was only curious. He wasn't interrupting my exercise on purpose and it helped me practice on multi-tasking.

"Ninja parents, no clan." I answered as I struggled to maintain my hold over the leaves. I almost spun the leaves at my hands. Never in my life had I thought multi-tasking to be so hard.

He chuckled. I didn't know if it was because he found my struggles funny or because of what I said.

"I wish my boy was that hardworking." He remarked offhandedly. I wanted to tell him that real five year olds weren't like me, because I'm an anomaly as I had an adult mindset. I was the cheat code of the Naruto universe.

"I believe in starting early." I struggled a bit more before I finally spun the leaves at my hands. I sighed wearily as I stopped using my chakra and let the leaves land on my forehead and hands. It was about time to go back anyways and I had to stop before I passed out from exhaustion. The Uchiha might think they stumbled upon a dead body if they saw me. I rather save everyone, including myself, from the trouble. "The early bird gets the worm and all that jazz."

"Never heard that before." He said and I could feel his intense gaze directed at me. If looks could burn, I'd be a charred corpse right now.

Oh right, what I said was an English proverb.

"Made it up." I replied glibly. There was no copyright police to sue me anyways. "Well, I gotta go, or else kaa-san is gonna kill me." I grimaced at the thought of facing an angry, frying pan-wielding demon if I was slightly tardy in any way.

"Then I shouldn't hold you back." He said and I finally got up from the ground and took a good look at him.

He had long tied up spiky hair, two scars at one side of his face and a goatee. From the vest he was wearing, I knew that he was a jounin, but there was just something about him that made me somewhat recognize him. Maybe he was a character I forgot?

"Mothers are very troublesome." he laughed and it sounded like I was missing a joke. I just squinted my eyes at him, wondering why he looked so familiar. "Before you go, what's your name?"

I gave up trying to know, because it was making my brain hurt.

"Haruno Saku." I used the name that I identified myself with. If my mother or father was here now, they would have a fit. Good thing that mother was still at home while father went off on a border patrol. "You?"

He smiled and I couldn't help but feel that it was kind of mischievous, in the way that made you want to run for the hills and never look back.

"I'm Nara Shikaku." he responded and he looked like he expected to react in some way. I was confused. "See you at the Academy next year then."

"Err, okay. Bye." I said back awkwardly before walking out of the shady area.

Unfortunately, I only realized that I talked to one of the major clan heads by the time I reached home.

Whoops.

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**A/N**: So, OC/SI!Sakura will be using Saku as their name and also male pronouns. If I ever write a chapter or a part where it is not in his point of view, there will be some who refer to him with his preferred pronouns while there will be some who will refer to him as a girl with female pronouns.

Btw, if you have noticed, the summary has been changed. Apparently, the previous summary was violating one of the general rules, because summaries are supposed to be written with a K-rating, no exceptions. Thanks to **Qoheleth** for informing me!

Thanks to **general zargon**, **Suzululu4moe**,** Enbi** and **LeechPrincess** for reviewing the previous chapter!


	4. things don't go as planned

**Summary**: I did not die, just to be reborn as a pink little menace whose job is to fangirl over some emo what's-his-name unable pull himself together.

**Tag(s)**: OC, OC-reincarnates-as-Sakura, gender dysphoria

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**4\. things don't go as planned**

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After that weird, brief meeting with one of the clan heads of Konoha, which was as random as finding an Easter egg during Christmas, I felt the need to know more about the clans.

Frankly speaking, I've never been much of a politics or manipulation kind of guy, nor did I take notice of the upper echelon, but being born into a world where ninjas rule and everyone else is basically helpless is frightening because I've known since day one – the very moment I realized I was Sakura and connected the dots – that this world, was like ancient Japan.

While I didn't know which era it was, I do know that in ancient Japan, the samurai lords or some fancy-ass-name ruled and were in power while the civilians, or known as the commoners, were never needed in the equation. Murder was very common in those days and no one really cared if a street rat died, as long as their corpse didn't dirty the roads. There was no women's rights either, like any beginning of a land and if it wasn't someone important who died or something, it wasn't important enough to look into it. There were a whole lot of power struggles, betrayals, assassinations, corruption and whatnot in the inner court and some samurai lords didn't even rule through a whole decade before they were eventually "mysteriously killed". Some didn't even reach their adulthoods before they eventually died.

Now, some may think it's strange of me to think that way. But if you think about it, ninjas were the samurais and the Kages were the samurai lords. They held the power over the non-ninjas, but instead of that honor hypocrisy bullshit, ninjas were more of mercenaries, because ninjas took up jobs. That meant that they based things off on the pay for missions, because they killed for protection or whatever else others hire ninjas for and in turn, the clients give the cash.

Kages are the ones who keep track of his or her ninjas and is the sole leader everyone must follow. The village is the organization that held all the ninjas together and the civilians were the ones who kept things running, because ninjas didn't do farming, trading and produce things.

But if Kages are the "true" leaders, then what would that make the clan heads? Sure, they oversee their own kin and work in the system as excellent ninjas, but how do they matter in the entire village system, where they are leaders in their own right but don't have a "higher" seat, which is the Hokage? There were more ninja clans than civilian clans in Konoha, because Konoha's history consisted of making alliances, which brought these clans together to form the village. Civilian clans only came later when Konoha was up and running because by then, they could do their merchant business.

So, why hasn't an Inuzuka, Akimichi, Yamanaka, Nara, Aburame, Uchiha or a Hyuga become Hokage? Well, it has been a fair system, but in the end, the Hokage's words are law. So far, there has only been two Senjus, a Sarutobi and a Namikaze, which I'm not sure if it's a real clan or not. Was it because they weren't charismatic enough or well-known throughout the village? Was it because they weren't skillful or strong?

Then again, it could be some plothole of the story, yet I refused to accept it as such. This was my reality now, which means there should be a logical explanation somewhere.

This place was no longer the peaceful world I had grown up in, where information is passed around without a care via internet and instead of using it for world domination, we use it for watching silly cat videos. Here, people would die just to protect the name of a fellow ninja.

There had to be more to becoming a ninja than just friendships, training and mastering one of the three jutsu categories. There had to be more than just motivational speeches said on the fly or silly, two-dimensional villains. There had to be more, because this world began from somewhere, like how my world began with dinosaurs.

Like hell I'd involve myself into more troublesome things like ninja politics, if they do exist. But I can't just let my curiosity burn me every time I'm reminded of it.

. . .

"Tou-san!" I called out to my father while running towards him, who had his arms open to catch me. It was still weird being child-like and short. "Welcome back!" I greeted with a grin.

Haruno Kizashi was definitely less strict than my previous father. He was way too goofy despite his profession, though I took it in stride, because hey, quirks. If I could get used to his ridiculous hairstyle, I could get used to him acting like a dork and dressing in hobo clothing when he was off-duty.

"Hey there, Saku-tan!" he smiled at me, full of teeth as he lifted me high. I tried not to roll my eyes at the honorific and being carried. It was much more horrifying than '-chan', but I couldn't get him to change it no matter how hard I tried. Apparently, I was his 'little cherry blossom'. Forever and ever and ever. Eugh. "Missed me?"

I laughed and replied cheekily. "Nope!" I stuck my tongue out at him. Strangely enough, it was natural for me to act like a child. It was probably because I was technically a child anyways in all but spirit.

He faked his hurt, but I could tell that he was amused.

"Ow, you wound this strong ninja, Saku-tan!" he lamented, which was dramatic of Shakespearian proportions. "What will I tell the guys when I go back to duty that I've been wounded by my own kid? The horror and humiliation!"

I sniggered, enjoying the humor. But this wasn't the time for that.

"Tou-san, I gotta ask you something." I tugged his kimono-shirt. He looked down at me, curious. "What do the clan heads do?"

He looked surprised by my question. Most likely because of the fact that I was still five and therefore should not know what a clan head was.

"Well, clan heads look after their own clans." He started, though I already knew it. I didn't say anything but gestured for him to continue. "And they have their own specializations too."

"Like?" I asked excitedly. I didn't know about the specializations thing. The clans were just… sort of there, you know? Though, the Uchihas have their own police force, which could be categorized under their specialization, right? I feel kind of an idiot for not noticing it, but I could beat up myself over it later.

"The Akimichis have a big role in the food business and in the taijutsu corps." He says and I nodded in understanding.

It makes sense, now that I think about it. Akimichis are large in size not because of obesity, but because of their techniques which require large mass to attempt them. Big bones are also part of their genes and they eat more than the average ninja because they use a lot of chakra even though they use taijutsu. I think it's because they have special techniques that involve a unique way of molding their chakra.

"Inuzukas specialize in tracking and retrieval. All of their clan members are partnered with a dog or more and they are all trained to track since young. They have a better sense of smell than most ninjas." Inuzukas were the easiest to guess. Like in the world I was in, dogs were also used to solve crime, sniff out drugs and find missing people. In this world, however, it was probably to track down runaway ninjas and enemies.

"Well, that's all I can explain." he said apologetically. "Until you go to the Academy, I can't really teach you, since I might say too much. Though if you want to know more, there's a civilian book on ninja clans in the library."

"Okay." I conceded. I was his child, so he might try to tell me more than he should, because he adored me. "I'll go there now."

"Alright." He chuckled, finally put me down and ruffled my hair. Now my head looked like a weasel decided to roll around in it before leaving for better grounds to sleep on. "Off you go and remember, come back before–"

I interrupted. "Before evening or kaa-san will get angry, 'kay!" I shouted as I ran out of the door.

. . .

You have no idea how much I miss Google. I always researched using the internet and never really set foot into a library for source material. It was so hard to filter through the useless crap and I couldn't even separate the useful text from it. I couldn't Photostat, highlight and I couldn't copy paste to print it out for my own reference either.

A life without internet was terrible. Bearable, but absolutely horrible.

I sighed, deciding to take another option. I rather not stay here and blind myself from squinting too much. This library, compared to the other libraries I've been to before, was actually uncomfortable to be in. I might as well borrow the book and make my own notes from it, so I can understand it easier.

I walked up to the counter and knocked. Sadly, I was too short to be seen. "Excuse me, ma'm," I said politely. "I want to borrow these books." I showed her the two books I was holding. They were kind of heavy, so I hoped she hurry it up. My little arms were too little for books, which sucked.

She blinked in surprise. Thought a kid like me would be outside playing in the mud instead of reading, huh? "Oh, hello, dear." She greeted back at me. "Do you have a library card?"

I felt embarrassed. I wanted to borrow books, but managed to forget I needed some form of identification for it, which was a library card. God damn it. "Um, no. Can I get one now?"

"Sure, dear!" she responded happily. At least she wasn't laughing. That would be mortifying and as a child, I was more sensitive than I should be on a normal basis over the smallest of things. "What's your name?"

"Haruno Saku." I responded as quickly as lightning, not at all guilty that I wasn't actually giving her my full name. What would a name matter if I couldn't see it as my own?

"Oh, alright." She took out a simple, small green card and wrote my name on the front. Then she opened it and poised her pen as she asked, "What are the titles of the books you want to borrow?"

"_The Clans of Konoha_ and _Konoha History_." Like I said earlier, they were pretty heavy and if this took any longer than it should, I think I would fall.

"Good, here you go." She handed the card to me, which I took and quickly pocketed before I made the books slip out of my hands. "The return date is in the card, so do return before or on the day itself, or else you'll have to pay the late fine, okay?"

"Yes, ma'm, thank you." I did a slightly jerky bow before heading out of the library, trying the best I could to not accidentally drop the books.

As I reached to the main street, I took a left turn and walked. I might as well go home, since I didn't have a pen or book with me and I rather do my research at home than out in the open. I never liked people looking over my shoulder and asking me, "What are you doing?" because it always annoyed me and made me uneasy.

Somehow, I managed to memorize the routes I would have to take often, which was the main street, the marketplace, the restaurants' area, the playground and the way back home. Contrary to what I first thought, the playground and the way home was actually pretty near to each other, because they didn't take seven streets before I could finally reach either one of them.

Just as I decided to cross the playground, someone my size bumped into me and almost made me fell, but luckily I managed to negate that by using my foot to balance myself while the other planted itself firmly onto the grassy ground. Dropping the books would be like dropping a glass cup. You didn't want to do it no matter what.

"Hey, watch where you're going!" exclaimed the person who bumped into me rudely. It was a girl my age with purple hair and oh fuck- why was her hair asymmetrical? Did she cut her hair by herself and thought it was edgy, or something? It looked bizarre.

She looked at me. "Hmmph. No wonder my head hurts. A large forehead bumped into me."

I'd like to think that I'm mature enough to handle a situation like this as diplomatically as possible. No crying, no bloodshed. But, I'm kind of pissed because she insinuated that I was the one who purposely knocked into her, instead of it being the other way around. She was being a rude little shit too.

"Oh, excuse me, I see a dog," I said pleasantly with a smile on my face. Yep. I was not mature at all. "But I don't see it leashed. I wonder why?"

Her face turned deep red and she spluttered indignantly. Her hand lifted to point her index finger at me, but I was hardly intimidated. She was a five year old brat, for god's sake.

"You- you- ugly forehead!" she tried to insult me. Keyword; _tried_. "You don't have any fashion sense. How will you get others to like you, when you're too ugly to make friends?!"

"I'm five, not a twenty year old super model." I deadpanned. Wearing a simple t-shirt with a pair of grey pants and a pair of sandals was in no way unfashionable. Screw fashion anyways, I prefer practicality and comfort. "I don't need to attract other people when my body hasn't even developed yet."

"Well, ugly–"

"Well, dog," I interrupted, sidestepping away from her. I was not immature to the point that I would stay for a pointless argument. Not worth my effort either. "You're wasting my time and I have better things to do, so bye and I hope I'll never see you again." I walked away and she practically fumed behind me.

"You coward!" she screeched as she ran towards me.

Before she could tackle me to the ground, someone stopped her and the books I borrowed were spared from being acquainted with the grass and dirt.

"Now, a girl shouldn't throw herself at a boy at such a young age," said someone and I thought after last week, I'd never see him again. "It's very unladylike." I could hear the glee dripping from his voice. I was actually happy too, that he saw me as a boy.

I was still five, so it's still too early to be able to determine my "true" gender.

"Y-you're a boy…?" she squeaked fearfully and I raised an eyebrow. Sexist much? "B-b-but–"

"Yeah." I agreed nonchalantly, effectively putting a stop to her stuttering. It was true because I did see myself as a boy, never mind the outer, physical aspect.

"But you have pink hair!" she cried loudly.

"And you have uneven purple hair." I retorted, resisting the urge to snort. "I don't get to choose what hair color I have, but you can choose how to cut your hair. Isn't that unfair?"

Right after I said that, she turned away from mortification and ran away, until she was nothing but a speck in the distance.

"So much sass for a five year old." The voice said and I turned to look at him. It was hard to crane my head to really get a look at him, because he was just that tall. "Are you sure you're five?"

"I had five birthdays so far." I shrugged. Was he listening from the beginning? I'm starting to think that he's a stalker. "So, yeah, I'm five. Totally."

He gave me an amused look.

"So, Saku-kun, what brings you to the park with two heavy books?" he asked.

"Was on my way home, then I got attacked by that girl and she had some misconception that I was the one who decided to bulldoze her, instead of the other way around." It was nearing evening soon, so I had to go home. "Well, nice meeting you, Nara-san, but I gotta go back home–"

"Well, let me help you with that, Saku-kun," he said, offering a hand. I narrowed my eyes at it suspiciously. "Looks heavy."

But since he offered…

"... 'kay."

It's not like I suckered a clan head into helping me carry books or anything. Free of charge and offered with generosity.

All is well.

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**A/N**: I'm just writing as I go, haha. This last part was kind of fun to write. Can you guess who was the girl that bumped into Saku? She's a canon character.

Thanks to **xela521**, **general zargon**, **AceSakurai**, **LeechPrincess**, **Guest**, **Kitsu**, **Petalclaw's PatriceBethPorter** and **TangoDeltaBravo** for reviewing the last chapter!


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